Relations and Dating

Men and Marriage

Here we go with another notes post. George Gilder definitely goes off the rails with some of his work, but the broader take on male/female relationships in Men and Marriage, a reissue of his older Sexual Suicide book, is quite excellent. His essential argument is that women are sexually superior, whereas men find themselves lost searching for an identity in our modern world of hostility towards the smallest signs of manliness.

On Silly Appeals to Physical Superiority

“In primitive societies men have the compensation of physical strength. They can control women by force and are needed to protect them from other men. But this equalizer is relatively unimportant in a civilized society, where the use of force is largely restricted by law and custom. In successful civilized societies, man counterbalances female sexual superiority by playing a crucial role as provider and achiever. Money replaces muscle.” (6)

On Intercourse Driving Identity

“For men the desire for sex is not simply a quest for pleasure. It is an indispensable test of identity. And in itself it is always ultimately temporary and inadequate. Unless his maleness is confirmed by his culture, he must enact it repeatedly, and perhaps destructively for himself or his society.” (11)

“The most obvious relief, masturbation, is a flight from sexual identity rather than an affirmation of it. Relations with girls, moreover, are ambiguous and complicated at this stage.” (26)

“In modern society, sexual relations with women are becoming the chief way men assert their sexual identity. But in most of the world’s societies, sexual relations follow achievement of manhood, or accompany it.” (27)

“But homosexuality is merely the most vivid and dramatic manifestation of the breakdown of monogamy—a extreme expression of the sexuality of single men. […] Homosexuality can therefore feel more natural to many men than their comparatively laborious, expensive, and frustrating pursuits of young women.” (69, 74)

On Money and Providers

“But unlike the warrior’s emblems and hunter’s game, money lacks gender. Women can get it as well as men. The provider role, therefore, is losing its immediate sexual correlation. It is sustained by the greater desire of men to perform it, and by their greater aptitude for competition.” (47)

One thought on “Men and Marriage

  1. Hi Martin.
    I would like for some serious advice.
    I’m from Southern Europe, and unfortunately the circumstances of my early life were extremely bad. I come from extreme poverty, didn’t even had money to go out with buddies during high school or college years. Luckily I do possess a higher than avg iq, so I was able to become a cpa despite my father being a former drug addict who used to beat my mother and me. I’m 25 years old and still a virgin, I have no social media other than LinkedIn, to which I have all my former school mates as connections.
    My physical appearance is very good. I’m 6ft1.5, somewhat good looking but extremely insecure, I’m currently saving money to maybe start my own accounting/tax advice company. The thing is I want to have a woman by my side. I’m not interested in being a playboy even though with my height and face, and job status, I would certainly get a few numbers, but I want quality women to have some companionship in life, as you might guess life for me has been lonely.
    What should I do? Should I create Facebook or Instagram and post photos of me traveling, or whatever. Or should I use a dating app like tinder( although Im not certain of how popular tinder is over here in Europe)?
    When it comes to the opposite sex I’m kinda lost, since math, accounting and Taxation seem to be hella easy :).
    Can you help a fellow med brother out. This is not a troll comment. The reason Im writing here in your website, is because compared to the garbage I see on YouTube you seem the most lucid and smart.
    Thank you.


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